In honor of the new Asian American superhero comic sECret idENtites, I have decided to reveal my 5 quick and easy steps to becoming a real life Asian-American Superhero. As a child, I always wanted to be a superhero. And to a certain extent even right now with Batman Returns being such a hit, I get the craving to put on some tights, build a secret Lair, and yell at someone “We’re professionally through!” Anyway, I remember after watching the original Superman immediately climbing up on my roof with a trash bag, holding it like a cape, and jumping off. Spiderman on PBS inspired me to climb up the tallest jungle gym and jump to a lower rung like a spider. Indiana Jones had me grabbing a rope and jumping from tree to tree as I swung it like a whip.

…I did a lot of jumping off things as a kid. I guess what I’m saying is that maybe if I had an Asian superhero to idolize, I wouldn’t have gone to the emergency room as much. So for that reason alone, let me tell you a little bit about sECret idENtites.

This groundbreaking graphic anthology brings together leading Asian American creators in the comics industry—including Gene Yang (National Book Award finalist for American Born Chinese), Bernard Chang (Wonder Woman), Greg Pak (The Hulk), and Christine Norrie (Black Canary Wedding Special )—to craft original graphical short stories set in a compelling “shadow history” of our country: from the building of the railroads to the Japanese American internment, the Vietnam airlift, the murder of Vincent Chin, and the incarceration of Dr. Wen Ho Lee.Appealing to both comics fans and Asian Americans seeking to claim their place in American culture, Secret Identities makes brilliant use of the conventions of the superhero comic book to expose the real face of the Asian American experience.

Entertaining and enlightening, Secret Identities offers whiz-bang action, searing satire, and thoughtful commentary from a community too often overlooked by the cultural mainstream, while showcasing a vivid cross-section of the talents whose imagination and creativity is driving the contemporary comics renaissance.

The first story 9066 “centers around a Japanese American superhero who is sent into an internment camp after President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs Executive Order 9066 on February 19, 1942 in response to the attack on Pearl Harbor”. You can find out more about them on their website or you can drop them a comment at their MySpace page. They even have a preview on their website (PDF, 5.5 mb). And just like any other grassroots movement, they’ve made a YouTube video to get the word out to the masses. Check it out and pass it on. The book will be available in April 2009 — or you can pre-order your copy today on Amazon.com.

Now what you’ve all been waiting for, my 5 easy steps to becoming and Asian American Superhero:

1. Pick a power

No, being good at math is not a super power. I’m talking about getting a hold of some rare earth metal or meteor and getting some radiation poisoning. If I’ve learned anything from comics, getting radiation poisoning leads to superpowers. If for some reason, beyond my imagination, you can’t get your hands on radioactive materials, start thinking outside of the box. Maybe something closer to home that you have access to. …a talent or character trait that you can exploit …one that you can hone to a razor sharp edge. For instance, one year during college I was called Gas Man for my power to clear a room with my gas. I have also gone by Captain Save-a-Ho and Captain Cock-Block. Maybe you have heard of my good deeds.

2. Make a costume

When picking a costume, it is important to remember that this will become your identity. It will become the most recognizable aspect of your public profile. Your colors, they logo on your chest, they all come together to create your public image. Tights with your underwear on the outside is not only classic superhero but practical as well. With all the ass kicking and hair-raising experiences going on, you can be secure in the fact that you will never shit your underwear. But remember, you not only represent superheroes but Asians as well. So try to stay away from stereotypes such as a bowl hair cut. And if that bulge in your tights …is not so much a bulge but a lump, think of wearing a codpiece. Batman does it. Let’s try to not reinforce negative stereotypes.

3. Get a Secret Identity

Luckily for us, a secret identity is not something we have to worry about. As we all know, all of us Asians look alike.

4. Get a secret Lair

This is an important but often overlooked step to becoming a superhero. Your lair is where you train. It’s where you do your research and more importantly do your much needed healing after long battles with your enemy who we define in step 5. You want it to be safe and for the most part impossible to find. For that reason, I have chosen a pho shop. Have you seen how many Pho restaurants there are in the San Gabriel Valley? Good luck finding that! And even if you do, open the secret door you have to sit at the right table with pull out the clean chopstick. Do you know how hard it is to find a clean chopstick in a Vietnamese restaurant? Hey, I’ve heard of more impractical things in comic books. “Look at me! I’m Superman. Now with my glasses on, look at me I’m Clark Kent. What a great disguise!”

5. Find an Arch Nemesis to fight, an injustice to right,  or a cause to champion

Finally, maybe the most important step to becoming a superhero, finding a great enemy. Your arch nemesis needs to be immediately revolting, an enemy that we can all despise and hate. Now this doesn’t have to be a real person. It’s actually easier to find weekly adventures if it’s not. It could be corruption, faceless corporate bullies, or some other sort of horrendous but relatable injustice. For instance, some of the personal adversaries that I have fought in the past have been: bad driving, eyes that don’t open all the way, and poor engrish. My current arch nemesis is taking a shot of alcohol without turning red.

So I say to you out there, good luck future Asian-American superheros of the future. The only caveat that is give is with great power comes great responsiblity. Please use this information only for good and not for evil.

A survey of Catholic confessions is out. A 95-year-old Jesuit scholar looked at which of the seven deadly sins are committed most frequently. Among men, lust took first prize, with gluttony coming in second. For women, pride was the biggie, followed by envy. The pope’s personal theologian told the Vatican newspaper that “men and women sin in different ways.”

I kind of always knew this but it’s nice to have a study come out and document it. Especially living in the uber-superfucial, (does that make it super super ficial?) sin-tastic city of Los Angeles, I am frequently made witness to the sins of both men and women.  No where better is this more evident than at a Korean Club like Velvet Room or Le Cercle. You have old rich men drinking way too much chasing girls way too young. And you have young Korean girls giving the stink eye to any Korean girl they think is of equal or more beauty than themselves. And you’d think these girls would be nice to the girls they percive as uglier but that is not the case either. These girls shun the less pretty like Britney Spears avoids talent. As if ugly was a disease that was contagious and could rub off on your own beauty. And finally, you have old Korean women, who should have gotten out of clubbing years ago, eying the young Korean girls with envy. …ahhhh, the Los Angeles Korean night scene. I love it.

With only 2 more episodes left in America’s Best Dance Crew, who will be crowned Season 3’s winner. I think it should be Quest Crew. They’ve been consistently clean, creative with their routines, and given overall theatrical performances. You could, for the most part, take them straight from the stage after one week of practice and put them in a music video.

The question is, will America vote for another Asian crew to be the winner. We’ve been bucking stereotypes for two season with JabbaWackeeZ and a majority of Super Cr3w being of Asian descent. Now Quest Crew is clawing at a three-peat. They’re probably the most sexual of the three crews and I for one am proud to have that type of representation in mainstream media. It’s a hell of a lot better than those androgynous cloggers. But don’t even get me started on them.

It will be interesting to see if America and the producers of ABDC let Asians dominate in an arena where mainstream America probably never knew we even had a presence. But hip-hop dancing flows strong in our blood and is huge all over Asia. Japanese dancers are so dedicated, they take the train in from the suburbs into Tokyo every night and practice routines using their reflections in shiny skyscraper windows. The trains stop at 1am so the B-boys and girls just practice all night until the trains start again. Check out Planet B-Boy if you need further proof.

As a reality television producer, I find it hard to watch reality television without a certain amount of cynicism. For that reason, I rarely watch reality shows. Short of Top Chef and Project Runway, I stay away from most reality and have never even watched a full episode of that American television mainstay American Idol. But something about ABDC has kept me tuning in. There’s a lot of passion in these crews and their desire to win shows. It’s the same formula as Project Runway and Top Chef. You take genuine people with an uncompromisable amount of determination and spirit, and you just let the camera’s roll. So you can bet, I’ll be watching the finals and rooting for Quest Crew.