Bat­tlestar Galactica

Another of the final episode of BSG airs tonight and I just can’t seem to get excited about it. Mostly because I don’t know which BSG I’m going to get. Is it going to be the excit­ing space adven­ture thrill ride from sea­son 1 or am I going to get the melo­dra­matic day­time tele­vi­sion space-opera the we’ve been see­ing way too much of. BSG was arguably once the most inno­v­a­tive, enter­tain­ing show on tele­vi­sion. It kept me tuned in by hav­ing cap­ti­vat­ing sto­ries and tak­ing great risks like rein­vent­ing Star­buck as a woman.  It brought the Sci Fi chan­nel to the fore­front of must-see-television with it’s docu-style cam­era work and rel­e­vant sto­ry­lines. BSG was a deep and nuanced alle­gory for what our nation was going through and how we deal with tragedy. The memo­r­ial wall of pic­tures was straight out of New York ala 911. BSG tack­led hard top­ics like can there be jus­ti­fi­ca­tion for tor­ture and intern­ment camps. If you’re a cylon, can you be held in cap­tiv­ity indef­i­nitely with­out trial? It was top­i­cal, rel­e­vant, and riveting.

Now it’s just a crappy soap opera set in space. More than that, it seems like BSG has lost its sense of pur­pose. Who am I sup­pose to be root­ing for? The cylons to break away and start a pure 13th colony? There’s no focus. The writ­ers strike really screwed them and every­thing in the new sea­son seems like an after thought. Every episode use to revolve around avoid­ing the cylons and sav­ing the human race. Now we get episodes that go on for an hour with just 1 plot point; where actors over act and char­ac­ters just talk and talk and talk. The prob­lem got really notice­able when they increased their num­ber of episodes to 22 and had to include a bunch of filler episodes. It’s like the writ­ers put it on cruise con­trol and just started steal­ing sto­ries lines from Days of our Lives. The mother of your child is really the daugh­ter of your long dead wife kind of stuff. Even worse, they’ve started ruin­ing all of my favorite characters.

Adama use to be the anti-hero we all wanted. Will­ing to make the hard deci­sions, he was a rebel who stuck to his old school prin­ci­ples and wouldn’t allow his ship to be weak­ened by tech­nol­ogy like the rest of the fleet. He was the kind of dili­gent cap­tain that we wouldn’t mind tak­ing orders from. Pres­i­dent Roslin was a wor­thy adver­sary who wouldn’t let her lack of expe­ri­ence stop her from jump­ing in the ring with the big dogs. Now Adama is a love struck pla­cat­ing pansy who’s let­ting his staff tell him to put cylon tech­nol­ogy all over his ship. And the Pres­i­dent is a new age spine­less lackey with no focus and no pur­pose who just wants to coast by to the end of her days doing as lit­tle work as pos­si­ble. To me, it seems that the char­ac­ter arcs of Adama and Roslin are actu­ally an alle­gory for the show and the show’s writ­ers.

Either way, my DVR will be the true gauge of how dis­ap­pointed I am with the show. I have already stopped record­ing Heroes and even with their big mar­ket­ing push dur­ing the Super­bowl, I still haven’t gone back. I will most likely stick with BSG because there’s only a few episodes left but, man …hope­fully these two char­ac­ters pull out of their slump in the last few episodes and hope­fully the writ­ers do the same.

So with­out fur­ther ado, here is my list of why BSG is really a soap opera in disguise:

5. Sworn ene­mies have became friends to fight against a for­mer friend but now are on the verge of becom­ing ene­mies once again. That doesn’t even make sense when I write it. All this melo­dra­matic flip-flopping, they’re try­ing to make the char­ac­ter lay­ered and deep but I just want cops and rob­bers, cow­boys and Indi­ans, good guys and bad guys. I want some­one I can root for. This goes the other way too, Boomer is now an ally?

Boomer

4. He’s really not your son, just another totally unmo­ti­vated rev­e­la­tion used to free Tyrol up to leave with the other cylons.

Galen Tyrol

3. Head trauma reveal­ing long lost mem­o­ries that affect the lives and beliefs of the characters.

Samuel Anders

2. Using a loose set of unmo­ti­vated cir­cum­stan­tial coin­ci­dences to bring back a dead char­ac­ter so that they can become the new con­niv­ing bad guy. This is like CLASSIC Soap Opera. “Ellen’s not really dead.  She’s come back by some strange twist of chance to be the new antagonist.”

Ellen Tigh

…and the num­ber 1 rea­son that BSG is a Soap Opera

1. The mother of your unborn child is really your daugh­ter. ” Really! REALLY! ?!?! Your daugh­ter is hav­ing your baby? I almost turned off the television.

Saul Tigh

Besides get­ting rid of the expo­si­tion, expo­si­tion, and more expo­si­tion which is an inte­gral ele­ment of soap operas, BSG is going the have to fix its sto­ry­lines to keep me tun­ing in. Noth­ing hap­pens any­more. Char­ac­ters just talk and emote. Where did all the plot points go? For that mat­ter, where did all the action go? I haven’t seen a real dradis con­tact in so long. Well, I guess that’s it. Read, enjoy, comment.

We’ve all been there. We went stayed out a lit­tle too late night before and had our fair share of feel good juice. The next morn­ing, we might not be hung over but we’re def­i­nitely not in the best of shape. Now, every­one has their own list of favorite reme­dies for this morn­ing after ail­ment and here are mine. In order of my pref­er­ence, here are the five restau­rants that I have cho­sen and the dishes I recommend:

5. Pho Pasteur

8821 Val­ley Blvd. Rose­mead, CA 91770
(626) 292‑5888

Pho Pas­teur

What to order: Pho Dac Biet

Pho Pas­teur Pho Dac Biet

4. Porto’s Bak­ery

315 North Brand Blvd. Glen­dale, CA 91203
(818) 956‑5996

Porto’s Bak­ery

What to order: Any one of their fan­tas­tic sand­wiches, just make sure you get their potato balls on the side.

Porto’s Bak­ery Potato Ball

3. The Grid­dle Cafe

7916 W Sun­set Blvd. Los Ange­les, CA 90046
(323) 874‑0377

The Grid­dle Cafe

What to order: Banana Pan­cakes the size of your head

The Grid­dle Cafe Banana Pancakes

2. El Tepeyac Cafe

812 N Ever­green Ave. Los Ange­les, CA 90033
(323) 267‑8668

El Tepeyac Cafe

What to order: The Hollenbeck

El Tepeyac Cafe — The Hollenbeck

1. Mar­ios Peru­vian & Seafood Restaurant

5786 Mel­rose Ave. Los Ange­les, CA 90038
(323) 466‑4181

Mar­ios Peru­vian & Seafood Restaurant

What to order: Lomo Saltado

Mario’s Lomo Saltado

sECret idEN­ti­ties Cover

In honor of the new Asian Amer­i­can super­hero comic sECret idEN­tites, I have decided to reveal my 5 quick and easy steps to becom­ing a real life Asian-American Super­hero. As a child, I always wanted to be a super­hero. And to a cer­tain extent even right now with Bat­man Returns being such a hit, I get the crav­ing to put on some tights, build a secret Lair, and yell at some­one “We’re pro­fes­sion­ally through!” Any­way, I remem­ber after watch­ing the orig­i­nal Super­man imme­di­ately climb­ing up on my roof with a trash bag, hold­ing it like a cape, and jump­ing off. Spi­der­man on PBS inspired me to climb up the tallest jun­gle gym and jump to a lower rung like a spi­der. Indi­ana Jones had me grab­bing a rope and jump­ing from tree to tree as I swung it like a whip.

…I did a lot of jump­ing off things as a kid. I guess what I’m say­ing is that maybe if I had an Asian super­hero to idol­ize, I wouldn’t have gone to the emer­gency room as much. So for that rea­son alone, let me tell you a lit­tle bit about sECret idENtites.

This ground­break­ing graphic anthol­ogy brings together lead­ing Asian Amer­i­can cre­ators in the comics industry—including Gene Yang (National Book Award final­ist for Amer­i­can Born Chi­nese), Bernard Chang (Won­der Woman), Greg Pak (The Hulk), and Chris­tine Nor­rie (Black Canary Wed­ding Spe­cial )—to craft orig­i­nal graph­i­cal short sto­ries set in a com­pelling “shadow his­tory” of our coun­try: from the build­ing of the rail­roads to the Japan­ese Amer­i­can intern­ment, the Viet­nam air­lift, the mur­der of Vin­cent Chin, and the incar­cer­a­tion of Dr. Wen Ho Lee.Appeal­ing to both comics fans and Asian Amer­i­cans seek­ing to claim their place in Amer­i­can cul­ture, Secret Iden­ti­ties makes bril­liant use of the con­ven­tions of the super­hero comic book to expose the real face of the Asian Amer­i­can experience.

Enter­tain­ing and enlight­en­ing, Secret Iden­ti­ties offers whiz-bang action, sear­ing satire, and thought­ful com­men­tary from a com­mu­nity too often over­looked by the cul­tural main­stream, while show­cas­ing a vivid cross-section of the tal­ents whose imag­i­na­tion and cre­ativ­ity is dri­ving the con­tem­po­rary comics renaissance.

The first story 9066 “cen­ters around a Japan­ese Amer­i­can super­hero who is sent into an intern­ment camp after Pres­i­dent Franklin D. Roo­sevelt signs Exec­u­tive Order 9066 on Feb­ru­ary 19, 1942 in response to the attack on Pearl Har­bor”. You can find out more about them on their web­site or you can drop them a com­ment at their MySpace page. They even have a pre­view on their web­site (PDF, 5.5 mb). And just like any other grass­roots move­ment, they’ve made a YouTube video to get the word out to the masses. Check it out and pass it on. The book will be avail­able in April 2009 — or you can pre-order your copy today on Amazon.com.

Now what you’ve all been wait­ing for, my 5 easy steps to becom­ing and Asian Amer­i­can Super­hero:

1. Pick a power

No, being good at math is not a super power. I’m talk­ing about get­ting a hold of some rare earth metal or meteor and get­ting some radi­a­tion poi­son­ing. If I’ve learned any­thing from comics, get­ting radi­a­tion poi­son­ing leads to super­pow­ers. If for some rea­son, beyond my imag­i­na­tion, you can’t get your hands on radioac­tive mate­ri­als, start think­ing out­side of the box. Maybe some­thing closer to home that you have access to. …a tal­ent or char­ac­ter trait that you can exploit …one that you can hone to a razor sharp edge. For instance, one year dur­ing col­lege I was called Gas Man for my power to clear a room with my gas. I have also gone by Cap­tain Save-a-Ho and Cap­tain Cock-Block. Maybe you have heard of my good deeds.

2. Make a costume

When pick­ing a cos­tume, it is impor­tant to remem­ber that this will become your iden­tity. It will become the most rec­og­niz­able aspect of your pub­lic pro­file. Your col­ors, they logo on your chest, they all come together to cre­ate your pub­lic image. Tights with your under­wear on the out­side is not only clas­sic super­hero but prac­ti­cal as well. With all the ass kick­ing and hair-raising expe­ri­ences going on, you can be secure in the fact that you will never shit your under­wear. But remem­ber, you not only rep­re­sent super­heroes but Asians as well. So try to stay away from stereo­types such as a bowl hair cut. And if that bulge in your tights …is not so much a bulge but a lump, think of wear­ing a cod­piece. Bat­man does it. Let’s try to not rein­force neg­a­tive stereotypes.

Not X-Men but Y-Men

3. Get a Secret Identity

Luck­ily for us, a secret iden­tity is not some­thing we have to worry about. As we all know, all of us Asians look alike.

4. Get a secret Lair

This is an impor­tant but often over­looked step to becom­ing a super­hero. Your lair is where you train. It’s where you do your research and more impor­tantly do your much needed heal­ing after long bat­tles with your enemy who we define in step 5. You want it to be safe and for the most part impos­si­ble to find. For that rea­son, I have cho­sen a pho shop. Have you seen how many Pho restau­rants there are in the San Gabriel Val­ley? Good luck find­ing that! And even if you do, open the secret door you have to sit at the right table with pull out the clean chop­stick. Do you know how hard it is to find a clean chop­stick in a Viet­namese restau­rant? Hey, I’ve heard of more imprac­ti­cal things in comic books. “Look at me! I’m Super­man. Now with my glasses on, look at me I’m Clark Kent. What a great disguise!”

5. Find an Arch Neme­sis to fight, an injus­tice to right,  or a cause to champion

Finally, maybe the most impor­tant step to becom­ing a super­hero, find­ing a great enemy. Your arch neme­sis needs to be imme­di­ately revolt­ing, an enemy that we can all despise and hate. Now this doesn’t have to be a real per­son. It’s actu­ally eas­ier to find weekly adven­tures if it’s not. It could be cor­rup­tion, face­less cor­po­rate bul­lies, or some other sort of hor­ren­dous but relat­able injus­tice. For instance, some of the per­sonal adver­saries that I have fought in the past have been: bad dri­ving, eyes that don’t open all the way, and poor engr­ish. My cur­rent arch neme­sis is tak­ing a shot of alco­hol with­out turn­ing red.

So I say to you out there, good luck future Asian-American super­heros of the future. The only caveat that is give is with great power comes great respon­si­b­lity. Please use this infor­ma­tion only for good and not for evil.

From the SNL comic duo Chris Par­nell and Andy Sam­berg that brought you Lazy Sun­day and Dick in a Box comes Jizz in My Pants.

This song par­ody …songody? …par­o­dong? This par­o­dong aired on Decem­ber 6, 2008 and although as funny if not more than the other two shorts, Jizz in My Pants still has not gained enough trac­tion to receive the title of “viral”. I would argue that this has to do with Hulu’s clamp­ing down on their videos being dis­trib­uted through YouTube. Lazy Sun­day and Dick in a Box did so much to bring buzz back to the long stale Sat­ur­day Night Live that if the execs over at NBC took their heads out of their asses for one minute, they’d real­ize that YouTube does more help than harm. I’m not even sure the above Hulu embed will still work by the time you guys are read­ing this. Hulu has been so incon­sis­tent with their video libraries it’s ridicu­lous, one week a clip is up the other week it’s gone. Now they’ve even pulled out from Boxee.

The whole viral phe­non­menon will not work if view­ers feel like they are being tricked by NBC into being pawns for NBC’s over­all mar­ket­ing strat­egy.  There is a cer­tain unspo­ken trust between sender and receiver; and as alruis­tic web denizens, we would rather not pass along unwanted adver­tiz­ing to friends who trust us to not lit­ter their inboxes with spam.

Orig­i­nal Sin

A sur­vey of Catholic con­fes­sions is out. A 95-year-old Jesuit scholar looked at which of the seven deadly sins are com­mit­ted most fre­quently. Among men, lust took first prize, with glut­tony com­ing in sec­ond. For women, pride was the big­gie, fol­lowed by envy. The pope’s per­sonal the­olo­gian told the Vat­i­can news­pa­per that “men and women sin in dif­fer­ent ways.”

I kind of always knew this but it’s nice to have a study come out and doc­u­ment it. Espe­cially liv­ing in the uber-superfucial, (does that make it super super ficial?) sin-tastic city of Los Ange­les, I am fre­quently made wit­ness to the sins of both men and women.  No where bet­ter is this more evi­dent than at a Korean Club like Vel­vet Room or Le Cer­cle. You have old rich men drink­ing way too much chas­ing girls way too young. And you have young Korean girls giv­ing the stink eye to any Korean girl they think is of equal or more beauty than them­selves. And you’d think these girls would be nice to the girls they per­cive as uglier but that is not the case either. These girls shun the less pretty like Brit­ney Spears avoids tal­ent. As if ugly was a dis­ease that was con­ta­gious and could rub off on your own beauty. And finally, you have old Korean women, who should have got­ten out of club­bing years ago, eying the young Korean girls with envy. …ahhhh, the Los Ange­les Korean night scene. I love it.