Battlestar Galactica

Another of the final episode of BSG airs tonight and I just can’t seem to get excited about it. Mostly because I don’t know which BSG I’m going to get. Is it going to be the exciting space adventure thrill ride from season 1 or am I going to get the melodramatic daytime television space-opera the we’ve been seeing way too much of. BSG was arguably once the most innovative, entertaining show on television. It kept me tuned in by having captivating stories and taking great risks like reinventing Starbuck as a woman.  It brought the Sci Fi channel to the forefront of must-see-television with it’s docu-style camera work and relevant storylines. BSG was a deep and nuanced allegory for what our nation was going through and how we deal with tragedy. The memorial wall of pictures was straight out of New York ala 911. BSG tackled hard topics like can there be justification for torture and internment camps. If you’re a cylon, can you be held in captivity indefinitely without trial? It was topical, relevant, and riveting.

Now it’s just a crappy soap opera set in space. More than that, it seems like BSG has lost its sense of purpose. Who am I suppose to be rooting for? The cylons to break away and start a pure 13th colony? There’s no focus. The writers strike really screwed them and everything in the new season seems like an after thought. Every episode use to revolve around avoiding the cylons and saving the human race. Now we get episodes that go on for an hour with just 1 plot point; where actors over act and characters just talk and talk and talk. The problem got really noticeable when they increased their number of episodes to 22 and had to include a bunch of filler episodes. It’s like the writers put it on cruise control and just started stealing stories lines from Days of our Lives. The mother of your child is really the daughter of your long dead wife kind of stuff. Even worse, they’ve started ruining all of my favorite characters.

Adama use to be the anti-hero we all wanted. Willing to make the hard decisions, he was a rebel who stuck to his old school principles and wouldn’t allow his ship to be weakened by technology like the rest of the fleet. He was the kind of diligent captain that we wouldn’t mind taking orders from. President Roslin was a worthy adversary who wouldn’t let her lack of experience stop her from jumping in the ring with the big dogs. Now Adama is a love struck placating pansy who’s letting his staff tell him to put cylon technology all over his ship. And the President is a new age spineless lackey with no focus and no purpose who just wants to coast by to the end of her days doing as little work as possible. To me, it seems that the character arcs of Adama and Roslin are actually an allegory for the show and the show’s writers.

Either way, my DVR will be the true gauge of how disappointed I am with the show. I have already stopped recording Heroes and even with their big marketing push during the Superbowl, I still haven’t gone back. I will most likely stick with BSG because there’s only a few episodes left but, man …hopefully these two characters pull out of their slump in the last few episodes and hopefully the writers do the same.

So without further ado, here is my list of why BSG is really a soap opera in disguise:

5. Sworn enemies have became friends to fight against a former friend but now are on the verge of becoming enemies once again. That doesn’t even make sense when I write it. All this melodramatic flip-flopping, they’re trying to make the character layered and deep but I just want cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, good guys and bad guys. I want someone I can root for. This goes the other way too, Boomer is now an ally?

Boomer

4. He’s really not your son, just another totally unmotivated revelation used to free Tyrol up to leave with the other cylons.

Galen Tyrol

3. Head trauma revealing long lost memories that affect the lives and beliefs of the characters.

Samuel Anders

2. Using a loose set of unmotivated circumstantial coincidences to bring back a dead character so that they can become the new conniving bad guy. This is like CLASSIC Soap Opera. “Ellen’s not really dead.  She’s come back by some strange twist of chance to be the new antagonist.”

Ellen Tigh

…and the number 1 reason that BSG is a Soap Opera

1. The mother of your unborn child is really your daughter. ” Really! REALLY! ?!?! Your daughter is having your baby? I almost turned off the television.

Saul Tigh

Besides getting rid of the exposition, exposition, and more exposition which is an integral element of soap operas, BSG is going the have to fix its storylines to keep me tuning in. Nothing happens anymore. Characters just talk and emote. Where did all the plot points go? For that matter, where did all the action go? I haven’t seen a real dradis contact in so long. Well, I guess that’s it. Read, enjoy, comment.

We’ve all been there. We went stayed out a little too late night before and had our fair share of feel good juice. The next morning, we might not be hung over but we’re definitely not in the best of shape. Now, everyone has their own list of favorite remedies for this morning after ailment and here are mine. In order of my preference, here are the five restaurants that I have chosen and the dishes I recommend:

5. Pho Pasteur

8821 Valley Blvd. Rosemead, CA 91770
(626) 292-5888

Pho Pasteur

What to order: Pho Dac Biet

Pho Pasteur Pho Dac Biet

4. Porto’s Bakery

315 North Brand Blvd. Glendale, CA 91203
(818) 956-5996

Porto's Bakery

What to order: Any one of their fantastic sandwiches, just make sure you get their potato balls on the side.

Porto's Bakery Potato Ball

3. The Griddle Cafe

7916 W Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90046
(323) 874-0377

The Griddle Cafe

What to order: Banana Pancakes the size of your head

The Griddle Cafe Banana Pancakes

2. El Tepeyac Cafe

812 N Evergreen Ave. Los Angeles, CA 90033
(323) 267-8668

El Tepeyac Cafe

What to order: The Hollenbeck

El Tepeyac Cafe - The Hollenbeck

1. Marios Peruvian & Seafood Restaurant

5786 Melrose Ave. Los Angeles, CA 90038
(323) 466-4181

Marios Peruvian & Seafood Restaurant

What to order: Lomo Saltado

Mario's Lomo Saltado

sECret idENtities Cover

In honor of the new Asian American superhero comic sECret idENtites, I have decided to reveal my 5 quick and easy steps to becoming a real life Asian-American Superhero. As a child, I always wanted to be a superhero. And to a certain extent even right now with Batman Returns being such a hit, I get the craving to put on some tights, build a secret Lair, and yell at someone “We’re professionally through!” Anyway, I remember after watching the original Superman immediately climbing up on my roof with a trash bag, holding it like a cape, and jumping off. Spiderman on PBS inspired me to climb up the tallest jungle gym and jump to a lower rung like a spider. Indiana Jones had me grabbing a rope and jumping from tree to tree as I swung it like a whip.

…I did a lot of jumping off things as a kid. I guess what I’m saying is that maybe if I had an Asian superhero to idolize, I wouldn’t have gone to the emergency room as much. So for that reason alone, let me tell you a little bit about sECret idENtites.

This groundbreaking graphic anthology brings together leading Asian American creators in the comics industry—including Gene Yang (National Book Award finalist for American Born Chinese), Bernard Chang (Wonder Woman), Greg Pak (The Hulk), and Christine Norrie (Black Canary Wedding Special )—to craft original graphical short stories set in a compelling “shadow history” of our country: from the building of the railroads to the Japanese American internment, the Vietnam airlift, the murder of Vincent Chin, and the incarceration of Dr. Wen Ho Lee.Appealing to both comics fans and Asian Americans seeking to claim their place in American culture, Secret Identities makes brilliant use of the conventions of the superhero comic book to expose the real face of the Asian American experience.

Entertaining and enlightening, Secret Identities offers whiz-bang action, searing satire, and thoughtful commentary from a community too often overlooked by the cultural mainstream, while showcasing a vivid cross-section of the talents whose imagination and creativity is driving the contemporary comics renaissance.

The first story 9066 “centers around a Japanese American superhero who is sent into an internment camp after President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs Executive Order 9066 on February 19, 1942 in response to the attack on Pearl Harbor”. You can find out more about them on their website or you can drop them a comment at their MySpace page. They even have a preview on their website (PDF, 5.5 mb). And just like any other grassroots movement, they’ve made a YouTube video to get the word out to the masses. Check it out and pass it on. The book will be available in April 2009 — or you can pre-order your copy today on Amazon.com.

Now what you’ve all been waiting for, my 5 easy steps to becoming and Asian American Superhero:

1. Pick a power

No, being good at math is not a super power. I’m talking about getting a hold of some rare earth metal or meteor and getting some radiation poisoning. If I’ve learned anything from comics, getting radiation poisoning leads to superpowers. If for some reason, beyond my imagination, you can’t get your hands on radioactive materials, start thinking outside of the box. Maybe something closer to home that you have access to. …a talent or character trait that you can exploit …one that you can hone to a razor sharp edge. For instance, one year during college I was called Gas Man for my power to clear a room with my gas. I have also gone by Captain Save-a-Ho and Captain Cock-Block. Maybe you have heard of my good deeds.

2. Make a costume

When picking a costume, it is important to remember that this will become your identity. It will become the most recognizable aspect of your public profile. Your colors, they logo on your chest, they all come together to create your public image. Tights with your underwear on the outside is not only classic superhero but practical as well. With all the ass kicking and hair-raising experiences going on, you can be secure in the fact that you will never shit your underwear. But remember, you not only represent superheroes but Asians as well. So try to stay away from stereotypes such as a bowl hair cut. And if that bulge in your tights …is not so much a bulge but a lump, think of wearing a codpiece. Batman does it. Let’s try to not reinforce negative stereotypes.

Not X-Men but Y-Men

3. Get a Secret Identity

Luckily for us, a secret identity is not something we have to worry about. As we all know, all of us Asians look alike.

4. Get a secret Lair

This is an important but often overlooked step to becoming a superhero. Your lair is where you train. It’s where you do your research and more importantly do your much needed healing after long battles with your enemy who we define in step 5. You want it to be safe and for the most part impossible to find. For that reason, I have chosen a pho shop. Have you seen how many Pho restaurants there are in the San Gabriel Valley? Good luck finding that! And even if you do, open the secret door you have to sit at the right table with pull out the clean chopstick. Do you know how hard it is to find a clean chopstick in a Vietnamese restaurant? Hey, I’ve heard of more impractical things in comic books. “Look at me! I’m Superman. Now with my glasses on, look at me I’m Clark Kent. What a great disguise!”

5. Find an Arch Nemesis to fight, an injustice to right,  or a cause to champion

Finally, maybe the most important step to becoming a superhero, finding a great enemy. Your arch nemesis needs to be immediately revolting, an enemy that we can all despise and hate. Now this doesn’t have to be a real person. It’s actually easier to find weekly adventures if it’s not. It could be corruption, faceless corporate bullies, or some other sort of horrendous but relatable injustice. For instance, some of the personal adversaries that I have fought in the past have been: bad driving, eyes that don’t open all the way, and poor engrish. My current arch nemesis is taking a shot of alcohol without turning red.

So I say to you out there, good luck future Asian-American superheros of the future. The only caveat that is give is with great power comes great responsiblity. Please use this information only for good and not for evil.

From the SNL comic duo Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg that brought you Lazy Sunday and Dick in a Box comes Jizz in My Pants.

This song parody …songody? …parodong? This parodong aired on December 6, 2008 and although as funny if not more than the other two shorts, Jizz in My Pants still has not gained enough traction to receive the title of “viral”. I would argue that this has to do with Hulu’s clamping down on their videos being distributed through YouTube. Lazy Sunday and Dick in a Box did so much to bring buzz back to the long stale Saturday Night Live that if the execs over at NBC took their heads out of their asses for one minute, they’d realize that YouTube does more help than harm. I’m not even sure the above Hulu embed will still work by the time you guys are reading this. Hulu has been so inconsistent with their video libraries it’s ridiculous, one week a clip is up the other week it’s gone. Now they’ve even pulled out from Boxee.

The whole viral phenonmenon will not work if viewers feel like they are being tricked by NBC into being pawns for NBC’s overall marketing strategy.  There is a certain unspoken trust between sender and receiver; and as alruistic web denizens, we would rather not pass along unwanted advertizing to friends who trust us to not litter their inboxes with spam.

Original Sin

A survey of Catholic confessions is out. A 95-year-old Jesuit scholar looked at which of the seven deadly sins are committed most frequently. Among men, lust took first prize, with gluttony coming in second. For women, pride was the biggie, followed by envy. The pope’s personal theologian told the Vatican newspaper that “men and women sin in different ways.”

I kind of always knew this but it’s nice to have a study come out and document it. Especially living in the uber-superfucial, (does that make it super super ficial?) sin-tastic city of Los Angeles, I am frequently made witness to the sins of both men and women.  No where better is this more evident than at a Korean Club like Velvet Room or Le Cercle. You have old rich men drinking way too much chasing girls way too young. And you have young Korean girls giving the stink eye to any Korean girl they think is of equal or more beauty than themselves. And you’d think these girls would be nice to the girls they percive as uglier but that is not the case either. These girls shun the less pretty like Britney Spears avoids talent. As if ugly was a disease that was contagious and could rub off on your own beauty. And finally, you have old Korean women, who should have gotten out of clubbing years ago, eying the young Korean girls with envy. …ahhhh, the Los Angeles Korean night scene. I love it.